His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
