go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
