matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
