I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
