her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
