One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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