I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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