dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
