in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
