We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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