You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
