just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
