To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
