Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
