all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
