Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize