i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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