I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
