dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
