Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
