ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
