Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
