I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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