if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
