I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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