i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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