help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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