I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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