I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
