New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
