gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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