Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's always time for handjobs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
