she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
