Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
