i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
