Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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