know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
