The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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