I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
