guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
