Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
