Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
