I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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