Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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