I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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