well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
