Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
