yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
