I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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