he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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