He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
