Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
