I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
