this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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