I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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