So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
