Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
