guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Welp...herpes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
