i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
