So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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