She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
