I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
