it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
